So, yesterday was my birthday. I’m 53 now. I’m not at all bothered by the number. I stopped obsessing over youth, etc, about 30 years ago.
We all get older. We don’t all get wiser, but we all get older. What matters isn’t physical in the sense of hair, wrinkles, or that stuff. What matters is how much we still want to give to the world.
This year has been, well, chaotic. I live in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop, and have since the end of March I think. This isn’t my year in review post, though. I’ll do that sometime next week. This is about what I’ve learned really matters in my life.
Not just showing others you care, but being able to accept it being shown to you in return.
Knowing it matters more to make the ones you care about like you in return instead of a total stranger.
Having the strength to do what you need to do, instead of giving up because someone else doesn’t believe in you.
So much of my life thus far was wasted on things that didn’t matter. I paid more attention to the opinions of others than I did taking care of myself. I put the wants of people I thought were friends ahead of my own needs. I was afraid, foolishly, that not doing so would make them not like me. Know what? It doesn’t matter if they did or didn’t. No one should ever threaten to do that over something small. Not baking cookies for a birthday because you worked an 8 hour shift and were up until 2 am studying is self care. It’s necessary. It’s not something to end a friendship over.
The people who matter are those who make sure you’re okay without any sort of agenda. It’s the random text about small stuff. It’s time given without expectation. It’s binge watching a tv show so I can write for hours on end.
It’s a hug when you really need it after a hard day.
BB/Chan Eil Eagal Orm